Thursday, January 13, 2005


Does anyone else have one of those things in their past that they just can't get over? Please tell me its not just me. I can't get past it, can't forgive myself for it, can't stop wondering what life would be like if that one thing had not occurred.
I know, somebody will say, "Mandee, the Lord has forgiven you so you must forgive yourself" or, "we are all sinners washed clean by Christ's blood."
Believe me, I know these things in my heart. I know that God loves me and that Christ died for my sins and I am clean because of that. But I'm also human and I don't know how to my head to understand that.
It seems that things come along to throw my mistakes back in my face...its like ANOTHER consequence to my action. There are constant reminders that I really screwed up. I think about it a lot and I'm not really sure how to truly put it behind me.
I just can't help but think that one action that I took years ago has changed everything about me and about my life. Some things will never be the same...never be what they could have been and I will have to go on knowing that and not being able to change it.
Regret is so painful, so hopeless, so defeating.
God has lifted me out of that, why am I still reaching back to it?


Grumbling At God said...

Mandee i can't do or say much more than I would love to sit down with a gin with you. I don't know what the issues are and I suspect most of us have regrets about certain things in our lives. Not so many of us have the courage to acknowledge the errors of our youth.

There are things in our lives that we have to learn to live with - it is not so much about letting go but more about not letting the guilt rule our lives. We also don't know how others might have benefitted or learnt from our mistakes.

Shelia said...

Because our choices sometimes have extreme life-changing consequences, we can be left with daily constant reminders of choices we made years ago. There's not really a whole lot a human mind can do to erase that, but we have to constantly remind ourself that if we have repented, we have been forgiven. I think the main focus is to not let Satan use that reminder against us to pull us back into his presence, but for us to use it instead as a reminder of what can happen if we let him have control.

JimRoach said...


I understand what you mean, absolutely. That stuff is hard to dig past. I actually spoke about this in church last Sunday, if you'd care to listen. Here's the link.
Take care, and hang in there. Isaiah 40:8.