Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Question
What are those things that football players have started tying around their arms just above the elbow? Anyone know?
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Because I can't think of anything to write...
Here's how it works. When you are tagged you must post 10 interesting and little known facts about yourself. Then tag 5-10 of your blog buddies!Here are my little known and interesting facts:
1. I am obsessed with watching The Biggest Loser
2. I cry a lot...not just for sad reasons.
3. I'm starting to love my freckles
4. I really wish I was a Pop Princess
5. I don't think many people really know me
6. I miss being on the radio
7. I'm scared to death of becoming a teacher
8. I dance ALL THE TIME when people aren't watching
9. Sometimes I miss being the party girl...not because I want to be that kind of person again, but because people enjoyed being around me and I was never bored.
10. I'm afraid of NOT being just like everyone else.
I'm tagging: Sheila, Khris, Sarah, Jan, and the next person to read this.
1. I am obsessed with watching The Biggest Loser
2. I cry a lot...not just for sad reasons.
3. I'm starting to love my freckles
4. I really wish I was a Pop Princess
5. I don't think many people really know me
6. I miss being on the radio
7. I'm scared to death of becoming a teacher
8. I dance ALL THE TIME when people aren't watching
9. Sometimes I miss being the party girl...not because I want to be that kind of person again, but because people enjoyed being around me and I was never bored.
10. I'm afraid of NOT being just like everyone else.
I'm tagging: Sheila, Khris, Sarah, Jan, and the next person to read this.
Monday, November 07, 2005
Tag!
The rules:
1. Delve into your blog archive.
2. Find your 23rd post (or closest to).
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions. Ponder it for meaning, subtext or hidden agendas.
5. Tag five people to do the same.
Of course, my 23rd blog had only 4 sentences, so here is the 1st sentence of my 24th blog...
"Fun with fridge magnets!"
I know...very exciting!
So, now I tag...Jan, Sarah, and the next 3 people who stumlbe upon my blog! Let me know when you've done it!
1. Delve into your blog archive.
2. Find your 23rd post (or closest to).
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions. Ponder it for meaning, subtext or hidden agendas.
5. Tag five people to do the same.
Of course, my 23rd blog had only 4 sentences, so here is the 1st sentence of my 24th blog...
"Fun with fridge magnets!"
I know...very exciting!
So, now I tag...Jan, Sarah, and the next 3 people who stumlbe upon my blog! Let me know when you've done it!
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
OK, so it's been a while!
I've been busy...
Things have really settled down since the Hurricane. Dear Ken kept 7 of my relatives in his home for over a week. My aunt and 2 cousins from Slidell are still at my parents' house...they should be able to go home by the first of the year. Other family members are staying with relatives near New Orleans so that they can be there to coordinating the restoration of their homes. The rest of them are back at home and doing as well as can be expected. I still don't have any news about the Outreach Center. I'm anxious to know, but scared to find out about the people in the community.
Mom has been having a rough time health wise. She had another seizure just a couple of weeks ago. Her Dr. says that the scar tissue from her brain tumor caused it. But in the mean time, we found out that she has another tumor at the front of her brain. Apparently, the doctors knew about it and they have been monitoring it for the past 3 years. They say it hasn't grown or changed, but I'm very bothered that they never told us about it. She also found out about a few other more minor problems that they have treated with medication and she seems to be doing better. Her personality seems to have even gone back to the way it used to be.
I've been working out almost daily for three weeks now. I'm staring to feel pretty good, but I'm wondering when I'm going to start dropping pounds! My main reason for doing this is to be fit and healthy, but I'm also looking forward to the superficial rewards! I'm even thinking about getting a personal trainer to help me reach my optimum potential!
I've also been hard at work to get back in school. I receive my bachelor's almost 5 years ago and I'm going back for my master's in elementary education. I meet with my advisor this afternoon to find out more! I'm so excited and terrified at the same time! This is really a leap of faith for me. I honestly have no idea how I will pay for it or even have time for it with work and everything, but I feel like this is it...this is what God has called me to do. And He will guide my steps and provide what I need. HE's just so awesome that way!
I feel like I'm forgetting something...is that everything?
Oh yeah...I have a new assistant at work! Its so nice to have help, but I'm having a hard time sharing my space and resources right now. It will get better once her office is completed though. I'm just glad that we are making progress!
Maybe that's it...am I forgetting anything? I have no idea!
Things have really settled down since the Hurricane. Dear Ken kept 7 of my relatives in his home for over a week. My aunt and 2 cousins from Slidell are still at my parents' house...they should be able to go home by the first of the year. Other family members are staying with relatives near New Orleans so that they can be there to coordinating the restoration of their homes. The rest of them are back at home and doing as well as can be expected. I still don't have any news about the Outreach Center. I'm anxious to know, but scared to find out about the people in the community.
Mom has been having a rough time health wise. She had another seizure just a couple of weeks ago. Her Dr. says that the scar tissue from her brain tumor caused it. But in the mean time, we found out that she has another tumor at the front of her brain. Apparently, the doctors knew about it and they have been monitoring it for the past 3 years. They say it hasn't grown or changed, but I'm very bothered that they never told us about it. She also found out about a few other more minor problems that they have treated with medication and she seems to be doing better. Her personality seems to have even gone back to the way it used to be.
I've been working out almost daily for three weeks now. I'm staring to feel pretty good, but I'm wondering when I'm going to start dropping pounds! My main reason for doing this is to be fit and healthy, but I'm also looking forward to the superficial rewards! I'm even thinking about getting a personal trainer to help me reach my optimum potential!
I've also been hard at work to get back in school. I receive my bachelor's almost 5 years ago and I'm going back for my master's in elementary education. I meet with my advisor this afternoon to find out more! I'm so excited and terrified at the same time! This is really a leap of faith for me. I honestly have no idea how I will pay for it or even have time for it with work and everything, but I feel like this is it...this is what God has called me to do. And He will guide my steps and provide what I need. HE's just so awesome that way!
I feel like I'm forgetting something...is that everything?
Oh yeah...I have a new assistant at work! Its so nice to have help, but I'm having a hard time sharing my space and resources right now. It will get better once her office is completed though. I'm just glad that we are making progress!
Maybe that's it...am I forgetting anything? I have no idea!
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Devastation
I don't really have words for it yet...Katrina.
Most people reading this know that my family is in New Orleans. Most of the have been accounted for, but a few are still unreachable. I believe that everyone is ok in my family, but their stuff is not. It is just stuff.
Grandpa's house is probably gone. He built it when I was just a baby. I grew up in that house. Grandpa died about 4 years ago...that's what we had left. We still have the memories.
So many of the places that those memories took place are gone. New Orleans and much of the North Shore are gone.
I wish I knew what to do right now.
I keep crying and praying and then crying some more.
I keep thinking of the people at the Bywater Outreach Center where I worked at JINO. Those people had no money to get out of the city. Their neighborhood is gone. I hope they still have their lives. They have no insurance, no money to rebuild. I want to know where my new little friend, Jacori, is. I want to know that she is safe.
God be with those people.
Most people reading this know that my family is in New Orleans. Most of the have been accounted for, but a few are still unreachable. I believe that everyone is ok in my family, but their stuff is not. It is just stuff.
Grandpa's house is probably gone. He built it when I was just a baby. I grew up in that house. Grandpa died about 4 years ago...that's what we had left. We still have the memories.
So many of the places that those memories took place are gone. New Orleans and much of the North Shore are gone.
I wish I knew what to do right now.
I keep crying and praying and then crying some more.
I keep thinking of the people at the Bywater Outreach Center where I worked at JINO. Those people had no money to get out of the city. Their neighborhood is gone. I hope they still have their lives. They have no insurance, no money to rebuild. I want to know where my new little friend, Jacori, is. I want to know that she is safe.
God be with those people.
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Monday, August 08, 2005
What If God Read My Blog?
I'm feeling kind of far away from Him right now. I'm not totally sure why...just am.
But I was thinking, 'What if God read my blog?' What would I write differently? What topics would I have avoided? What words would I have chosen differently?
I must say that knowing that my church friends are reading this blog does hold me accountable. For instance, when I'm really angry and I want to rant and rave, I hold back and keep myself in check because I know they will be reading. When I want to use this site for gossip, I think about them seeing it. When I want to talk about really shallow and sometimes inappropriate things, I think of what they would see here. My church friends read my blog.
God reads my blog too.
But He doesn't just read my blog. He reads my email too...not just the ones I send. He also reads the ones I receive and should delete, but read them and laugh anyway. He reads the ones I send when I'm mad or just plain wrong. He hears my phone calls, He see my thoughts, He knows everything about me...intimately.
This is a very basic truth that we all learn as little bitty kids. God, like Santa, knows when we've been bad or good (so be good for goodness sake). Why is it so hard for me to remember these things?
But I was thinking, 'What if God read my blog?' What would I write differently? What topics would I have avoided? What words would I have chosen differently?
I must say that knowing that my church friends are reading this blog does hold me accountable. For instance, when I'm really angry and I want to rant and rave, I hold back and keep myself in check because I know they will be reading. When I want to use this site for gossip, I think about them seeing it. When I want to talk about really shallow and sometimes inappropriate things, I think of what they would see here. My church friends read my blog.
God reads my blog too.
But He doesn't just read my blog. He reads my email too...not just the ones I send. He also reads the ones I receive and should delete, but read them and laugh anyway. He reads the ones I send when I'm mad or just plain wrong. He hears my phone calls, He see my thoughts, He knows everything about me...intimately.
This is a very basic truth that we all learn as little bitty kids. God, like Santa, knows when we've been bad or good (so be good for goodness sake). Why is it so hard for me to remember these things?
- When I am far way, He comes nearer.
- When I'm hiding, He is watching even more intently.
- When I'm lonely, He is more present than before.
- When I'm bad, He is witness to it.
- When I'm wrong, He knows it.
- When I lie, He is still the Truth.
God, are You reading this? You understand what I mean...why don't I?
Oh, and God...thanks for reading!
Monday, August 01, 2005
Offer My Suffering?!?
Has anyone ever told you to offer your suffering up to God? If I've heard it once, I've heard it a thousand times...especially growing up in Catholic school. But what does it mean? How can I make it make sense and then actually use it in my life?
I'm wanting to really find that out. Not that I'm suffering in any serious way right now, but I want to learn to offer all of my complaints to My Father.
All through the New Testament, we are reminded that in our personal sufferings, we are sharing in the sufferings of Jesus Christ. This should be an honor. How am I supposed to see any kind of suffering or pain as an honor? The human part of me says, "Are you crazy? Suffering sucks! Find something to numb the pain and get away from it."
But the Bible tell me to delight in it. Now, I've got all of this information in my head. How do I put it into action? I can tell you that I personally just said a little prayer,
gave me relief from my worries. I feel much better about all of the
situations that were dragging me down. It doesn't mean that I suddenly
have a new job or have all the answers to life's relentless questions, but I do
have peace in Jesus.
I'm wanting to really find that out. Not that I'm suffering in any serious way right now, but I want to learn to offer all of my complaints to My Father.
All through the New Testament, we are reminded that in our personal sufferings, we are sharing in the sufferings of Jesus Christ. This should be an honor. How am I supposed to see any kind of suffering or pain as an honor? The human part of me says, "Are you crazy? Suffering sucks! Find something to numb the pain and get away from it."
But the Bible tell me to delight in it. Now, I've got all of this information in my head. How do I put it into action? I can tell you that I personally just said a little prayer,
It may not make a whole lot of sense to you, but it changed my attitude andGod, I don't like to suffer. I really want to be happy and pain free my
whole life. But I know that this is not possible because the world is
evil. It is because of the work of Satan that I now suffer. I
consider it joy to suffer because I know You and through knowing You intimately,
I recognize evil and it causes me sadness. Father, I offer my hardships to
You. I give You my heart to mold and strengthen through these
difficulties. I know that You are preparing me for something greater and I
trust You to get me through this. I love You, Lord and I know You are with
me during all of the difficult moments of my life. Amen
gave me relief from my worries. I feel much better about all of the
situations that were dragging me down. It doesn't mean that I suddenly
have a new job or have all the answers to life's relentless questions, but I do
have peace in Jesus.
Thursday, July 21, 2005
MAN ON A MISSION trip
So, Ken and about 12 other CrossBridge memebers left for a mission trip to Honduras yesterday. They drove to Nashville and then got up at the crack of dawn this morning to hop a plane to Miami which then took them to Tegucigalpa, Honduras.
I miss him already.
I had no idea I would be so sad to see him go. Honestly, I was looking forward to having so much time to myself because I knew that I had a lot to do. But now I'm sad. I miss having him to call with good news and bad news and every kind of news in between. I miss knowing that I would have dinner with him. I miss praying with him. I just miss him!
I'M SUCH A CHICK!!!
I know that what he and the rest of the people are doing is a great thing. From what I understand, this trip will change him (I'm sure in a good way). But I can't help but worry about their safety in that country and in travel. Hearing about the attempted bombings in London didn't help things at all. I'm a worrier too.
So...please pray with me for the group's safety, for the people of Honduras, and most of all for God's will to be done through this trip. I know God is looking down on them and using them and protecting them. He is faithful!
I miss him already.
I had no idea I would be so sad to see him go. Honestly, I was looking forward to having so much time to myself because I knew that I had a lot to do. But now I'm sad. I miss having him to call with good news and bad news and every kind of news in between. I miss knowing that I would have dinner with him. I miss praying with him. I just miss him!
I'M SUCH A CHICK!!!
I know that what he and the rest of the people are doing is a great thing. From what I understand, this trip will change him (I'm sure in a good way). But I can't help but worry about their safety in that country and in travel. Hearing about the attempted bombings in London didn't help things at all. I'm a worrier too.
So...please pray with me for the group's safety, for the people of Honduras, and most of all for God's will to be done through this trip. I know God is looking down on them and using them and protecting them. He is faithful!
Friday, July 15, 2005
Miss Mandee
You would think that a week at camp in the middle of the summer would be miserable. You would think that sleeping in a cabin for a week with 13 5th and 6th grade girls would nearly kill me. You would think that hearing "Miiiiiss Maaaaandeeeeeee" 1,875 times a day would wear me out.
I LOVE CAMP !!!!!
I had such a great time that I wish I could make a career of it! My girls were the bestest and the sweetest. I cried when I told them goodbye, but the tears went away shortly after I got home and the emails started coming. They loved me too! I can't wait to see them all again. I'm planning on visiting their churches and taking them all to a Baron's game soon :)
All of this kids stuff is making me think. Don't worry, this isn't a post about baby fever. Anyone who has read my blog has been made fully aware that I am not so pleases with my job. Why not children's ministry?? I think I'd be good at it. I could make a difference! I could learn so much from them. I could give of myself in a way that I know matters. I'm so eager to learn how I can do this. I'm also considering school...maybe become a school counselor. There is a program at Montevallo that would allow me to get my teaching certificate and my Master in Counseling Education relatively quickly. I'm trying to learn more about Southeastern Bible College too.
So...pray for this to happen! I feel like I'm really learning what I'm supposed to be doing with my life now.
I LOVE CAMP !!!!!
I had such a great time that I wish I could make a career of it! My girls were the bestest and the sweetest. I cried when I told them goodbye, but the tears went away shortly after I got home and the emails started coming. They loved me too! I can't wait to see them all again. I'm planning on visiting their churches and taking them all to a Baron's game soon :)
All of this kids stuff is making me think. Don't worry, this isn't a post about baby fever. Anyone who has read my blog has been made fully aware that I am not so pleases with my job. Why not children's ministry?? I think I'd be good at it. I could make a difference! I could learn so much from them. I could give of myself in a way that I know matters. I'm so eager to learn how I can do this. I'm also considering school...maybe become a school counselor. There is a program at Montevallo that would allow me to get my teaching certificate and my Master in Counseling Education relatively quickly. I'm trying to learn more about Southeastern Bible College too.
So...pray for this to happen! I feel like I'm really learning what I'm supposed to be doing with my life now.
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Sad News
A coworker of mine just found out that his 20-year-old daughter was killed in a car accident this morning. My frist reaction was to reach out to him; to do something to take away the pain and the panic. But there isn't anything I can do for him right now. God has to take care of him.
Times like this make you really think about your values. What is really important? Does it really matter if I have a nice car? Does it really matter if Ken notices that I've had 1/16th of an inch trimmed off of my hair? Does it really matter what size I wear?
If I were to be gone tomorrow I don't think I care about any of those things. If a loved one was gone tomorrow I don't think I would care about any of those things. Do the people around me know how much they mean to me? Have a made a Kingdom difference?
What is your regret if tomorrow never comes? I want to do something about mine.
Times like this make you really think about your values. What is really important? Does it really matter if I have a nice car? Does it really matter if Ken notices that I've had 1/16th of an inch trimmed off of my hair? Does it really matter what size I wear?
If I were to be gone tomorrow I don't think I care about any of those things. If a loved one was gone tomorrow I don't think I would care about any of those things. Do the people around me know how much they mean to me? Have a made a Kingdom difference?
What is your regret if tomorrow never comes? I want to do something about mine.
God, please help me to see what really matters. Take away any pride or selfishnessI have and make my heart new. I want to live to appreciate the Joy You have blessed me with. I want to live like tomorrow isn't coming...no regrets. Thank you for my life and my loved ones. I pray in your Son's name, Jesus Christ my Savior! Amen
Monday, June 27, 2005
No More
I will not be negative anymore. I will not mope. I will not complain. This is it...I'm turning over a new leaf (actually, I'm turning an old leaf back over). I used to be known for my ability to find a silver lining around the darkest cloud; for finding the good in the worst; and for staying optimistic when the cards were stacked against me.
My how things have changed.
I'm so negative these days.
"Hi Mandee, how are you today?"
"My life sucks...and you?"
That's no good! Not fun, not enjoyable, not the way a Christian shows Jesus to anyone! So, I'm going to make the JOY OF THE LORD my strength because NOBODY FILLS MY HEART LIKE JESUS. Those are 2 of the songs we sang a church yesterday. Quite perfect for me.
So, this blog is now a negative free zone!
Welcome back, me!
My how things have changed.
I'm so negative these days.
"Hi Mandee, how are you today?"
"My life sucks...and you?"
That's no good! Not fun, not enjoyable, not the way a Christian shows Jesus to anyone! So, I'm going to make the JOY OF THE LORD my strength because NOBODY FILLS MY HEART LIKE JESUS. Those are 2 of the songs we sang a church yesterday. Quite perfect for me.
So, this blog is now a negative free zone!
Welcome back, me!
Friday, June 03, 2005
That's Why We Pray
Prayer is powerful.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just thought I would say so. I'm about to be gone for a week. I'm going with my church youth group to JINO (Jesus in New Orleans). I'm really looking forward to it, but I'm also really nervous. I used to go to New Orleans for quite the oposite reason. This is a new experience for me. My first mission trip! I'm also a little nervous about being responsible for other peoples' teenagers for an entire week. I know what I did down there at that age and I don't want any of them to have any part of it!
I'm a little nervous about the work I will be doing too. What if I'm not good at this? Ok, I know God will provide us with everything we need, but I can't help it. Its nervous excitement, I guess.
Anyway...hope you're having a great week!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just thought I would say so. I'm about to be gone for a week. I'm going with my church youth group to JINO (Jesus in New Orleans). I'm really looking forward to it, but I'm also really nervous. I used to go to New Orleans for quite the oposite reason. This is a new experience for me. My first mission trip! I'm also a little nervous about being responsible for other peoples' teenagers for an entire week. I know what I did down there at that age and I don't want any of them to have any part of it!
I'm a little nervous about the work I will be doing too. What if I'm not good at this? Ok, I know God will provide us with everything we need, but I can't help it. Its nervous excitement, I guess.
Anyway...hope you're having a great week!
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Vacation - All I Ever Wanted
I have had that song stuck in my head all day. I had a 5-day weekend and now I'm back. At work. At this desk. Working. Yuck.
I really needed the time off. I needed the time with Ken and my family and the kids, but it makes it so much harder to face this place again!
I spent a lot of time with the people I love doing the things I enjoy for my birthday weekend. It was nice, but probably one of the most sedate birthdays I have ever had. Up until this year, I have spent the month of May making sure everyone knew it was my birthday month. Why is 26 so much less exciting? I'm almost disappointed in myself.
I'm not disappointed in anyone else. In fact, everyone that loves me did what they normally would for my birthday and it was quite lovely! In fact, Amber gave me a painting she did of a boot...her very first piece that her art teacher didn't touch and its mine!!! I can't tell you how much that means to me :)
So, anyway...great weekend, not so happy to get back here. But my attitude is different. I'm feeling more secure and settled now. I'm sure God's got much more work to do on me now though. That was the whole point of this...I got my attitude adjustment. :)
Such a rambler...
I really needed the time off. I needed the time with Ken and my family and the kids, but it makes it so much harder to face this place again!
I spent a lot of time with the people I love doing the things I enjoy for my birthday weekend. It was nice, but probably one of the most sedate birthdays I have ever had. Up until this year, I have spent the month of May making sure everyone knew it was my birthday month. Why is 26 so much less exciting? I'm almost disappointed in myself.
I'm not disappointed in anyone else. In fact, everyone that loves me did what they normally would for my birthday and it was quite lovely! In fact, Amber gave me a painting she did of a boot...her very first piece that her art teacher didn't touch and its mine!!! I can't tell you how much that means to me :)
So, anyway...great weekend, not so happy to get back here. But my attitude is different. I'm feeling more secure and settled now. I'm sure God's got much more work to do on me now though. That was the whole point of this...I got my attitude adjustment. :)
Such a rambler...
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
What Book of the Bible Are You?
I am Psalms. And for some reason the cute little graphic and explanation that go with this won't work :(
Which book of the Bible are you?
brought to you by
Which book of the Bible are you?
brought to you by
Monday, May 23, 2005
Its all in the 'tude
Ok, I'm sure my unhappiness/anxiety has been evident in the last couple of posts. I have decided that I'm going to be happy and content and show the Joy of the Lord! It's time.
There are some things that have to change. I haven't decided how much or what I'm going to change yet, I just know that something has to change.
The first thing to change will be my attitude. My attitude has been BAD...soooooo BAD. I don't know how anyone can stand being around me. I'm distant and sulky and just plain yuck! Shame on me for putting everyone around me through that!
The next thing I am going to change is my mission. I can't keep waiting for it to happen, I have to happen to it and in it. The time is now and I can't ignore God's calling anymore. I won't.
Then I'm going to change the Kingdom. I'm not saying that I can change the world...the world is lost and full of sin. But I can change the Kingdom...maybe God will use me to help just one more soul...if we all let God use us to get one more, we would double the size! How cool would that be? It's like the biggest 'bring a friend day' ever!
So I'm rambling and probably not making much sense. Please hold me accountable...I want to make these changes soon! Now!
There are some things that have to change. I haven't decided how much or what I'm going to change yet, I just know that something has to change.
The first thing to change will be my attitude. My attitude has been BAD...soooooo BAD. I don't know how anyone can stand being around me. I'm distant and sulky and just plain yuck! Shame on me for putting everyone around me through that!
The next thing I am going to change is my mission. I can't keep waiting for it to happen, I have to happen to it and in it. The time is now and I can't ignore God's calling anymore. I won't.
Then I'm going to change the Kingdom. I'm not saying that I can change the world...the world is lost and full of sin. But I can change the Kingdom...maybe God will use me to help just one more soul...if we all let God use us to get one more, we would double the size! How cool would that be? It's like the biggest 'bring a friend day' ever!
So I'm rambling and probably not making much sense. Please hold me accountable...I want to make these changes soon! Now!
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Spit
Have you ever heard the phrase, 'I'm so mad I could spit?' I'm going to spit...I understand the phrase now.
Trust is a big thing with me. I can be too trusting of other people on a superficial level. But if I'm going to let you into my life in an intimate way, its hard for me to trust you. Its even hard for me to trust God sometimes...trust is HUGE!
My trust has been betrayed by a family member and it is so hurtful. I'm angry and sad and disappointed and even a little guilty for ever trusting that what I say in confidence would be kept in confidence. I feel naive and silly. And spittin' mad.
But what do I do? The Bible says I should confront those that I am upset with so that I don't let it build up before forgiving them. But how do I do that without screaming and yelling right now? I don't think I can.
Please pray for me to say the right things and to be forgiving.
Trust is a big thing with me. I can be too trusting of other people on a superficial level. But if I'm going to let you into my life in an intimate way, its hard for me to trust you. Its even hard for me to trust God sometimes...trust is HUGE!
My trust has been betrayed by a family member and it is so hurtful. I'm angry and sad and disappointed and even a little guilty for ever trusting that what I say in confidence would be kept in confidence. I feel naive and silly. And spittin' mad.
But what do I do? The Bible says I should confront those that I am upset with so that I don't let it build up before forgiving them. But how do I do that without screaming and yelling right now? I don't think I can.
Please pray for me to say the right things and to be forgiving.
Friday, May 13, 2005
Thinking
I don't always enjoy growth or maturity or decisions. In fact, I usually avoid a lot of it. But there comes a time where there isn't anywhere to hide anymore and you've just got to grow up, be mature and make a decision.
Now is one of those times. I keep trying to just say, "OK, God...you just deal with it so I don't have to do anything." Unfortunately, we Christians tend to think that God is our own personal cleaning crew who will clean up every mess we make. While that may be true to a certain extent, He has blessed us with minds and souls so that we can do a little of the work ourselves. I don't wanna!
I don't want to decide what to do. I don't want to make the wrong choice. That's part of what I'm afraid of. I think I'm also afraid of having to live with either choice that I make. One might be easier than the other, but it may not be the right one. But how do I know?!?!?
Sigh...this stinks.
Now is one of those times. I keep trying to just say, "OK, God...you just deal with it so I don't have to do anything." Unfortunately, we Christians tend to think that God is our own personal cleaning crew who will clean up every mess we make. While that may be true to a certain extent, He has blessed us with minds and souls so that we can do a little of the work ourselves. I don't wanna!
I don't want to decide what to do. I don't want to make the wrong choice. That's part of what I'm afraid of. I think I'm also afraid of having to live with either choice that I make. One might be easier than the other, but it may not be the right one. But how do I know?!?!?
Sigh...this stinks.
Monday, May 09, 2005
Back by popular demand...
OK, Khris...here is an entry. I have once again fooled the internet gate keepers here at work and I can blog from my desk!!! I used to have a really great work ethic...really!
I'm in a funk. I'm tired of being in a funk and I'm tired of benig confused about my funkiness. Does anyone else ever feel really down and that makes everything in life seem bad? But you think that you are down because everything in life is, in fact, bad. That's my funk...don't like it one bit.
I need a vacation from my life. I need some time to pull myself back together. I just finished a really great healing Bible study. I thought I would feel so amazing after it. And I do in some ways. But I also feel very sad. Some of me is healed, but I feel like there is something else that is holding me back. There is another place where I need healing, but I can't figure out what it is. I'm praying for God to prepare me and then reveal it to me. I need His Wisdom and His truth right now.
I know the old saying, "God doesn't give you more that you can handle." Mother Teresa added, "I just wish He didn't trust me so much." I hear ya sister! Sometimes I feel like there must be something HUGE that God wants me to do because Satan sure is working hard to stop me. Am I under attack still? I started to feel comfortable and let my guard down, so now Satan is after me again. Is that what is happening?
I'm in a funk. I'm tired of being in a funk and I'm tired of benig confused about my funkiness. Does anyone else ever feel really down and that makes everything in life seem bad? But you think that you are down because everything in life is, in fact, bad. That's my funk...don't like it one bit.
I need a vacation from my life. I need some time to pull myself back together. I just finished a really great healing Bible study. I thought I would feel so amazing after it. And I do in some ways. But I also feel very sad. Some of me is healed, but I feel like there is something else that is holding me back. There is another place where I need healing, but I can't figure out what it is. I'm praying for God to prepare me and then reveal it to me. I need His Wisdom and His truth right now.
I know the old saying, "God doesn't give you more that you can handle." Mother Teresa added, "I just wish He didn't trust me so much." I hear ya sister! Sometimes I feel like there must be something HUGE that God wants me to do because Satan sure is working hard to stop me. Am I under attack still? I started to feel comfortable and let my guard down, so now Satan is after me again. Is that what is happening?
God, You are so magnificent.
There are not enough words that are great enough to praise you.
You provide all that we need.
You protect us from ourselves and from evil.
You guide us through darkness to reach the light again.
Please be with me, Lord.
Show me the truth whether I want to see it or not.
Grant me more of Your wisdom so that I may discern the truth you show to me.
Please bless the people around me that have to deal with me right now.
Please help me quickly and fully heal.
Amen
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Here I Am Again
Hey kids! It looks like I have figured the internet out once again and I can write here at work. Of course, I'm having writer's block in all aspects of my life right now, so what good does this do me?
Things have been so crazy for me lately...I might be over extending myself, but its in some really great directions. Maybe by the time I am released from my 87 different directions, I'll bounce back into a new and better me! Too metaphorical or did it even make sense?
I know, I'm rambling...just thought I would let you know that I'm baaaaaaaaaaack!
Things have been so crazy for me lately...I might be over extending myself, but its in some really great directions. Maybe by the time I am released from my 87 different directions, I'll bounce back into a new and better me! Too metaphorical or did it even make sense?
I know, I'm rambling...just thought I would let you know that I'm baaaaaaaaaaack!
Saturday, April 02, 2005
I miss this!!!
Hello, people! I haven't gotten to blog in so long because the internet is now gone at work...what am I supposed to do all day now?!?!
Anyway...I've missed venting here and I have missed seeing what's going on with everyone. Hope all is well! I'll try to write with something interesting soon :)
Anyway...I've missed venting here and I have missed seeing what's going on with everyone. Hope all is well! I'll try to write with something interesting soon :)
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
I want my own airbrusher
I want a graphic artist to follow me around and air brush me constantly. Ok, girls...if you're ever feeling inferior to the girls on the cover of Cosmo or some other body image bashing magazine, just click on this link. I can't believe they can do this!!!
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Prayer Request
My Aunt Robin's husband died last nght. He had some kind of lung disease that I can't remember the name of. I just know that it was really hard on him and his family. I wish I knew what to do for them, but all I can think of is to pray. They all need it...that family needs a miracle. So please help me pray for a miracle.
Monday, February 07, 2005
Praise
I've got to tell you, God works all the time...whether we decide to pay attention or not. He listens and then responds. Only, you don't hear the response unless you are listening.
A while back, Ken and I prayed that I would find a connection and start to feel like I'm really part of something. It wasn't a very specific prayer, I was just feeling out of place. Really, the only time I felt that I belonged was when I was with Ken. I am grateful for that, but it isn't healthy to put all of my 'worth' into Ken. (Yes, my worth comes from God, but that's not my point here).
Anyway...God has answered and I'm making more friends than I can count. They all have some big reason for being in my life that is already becoming very clear to me. So...not only has he answered my prayers for friends that I can connect with, but he is answering other prayers through them. Am I making any sense at all?
First, there is K. She is hilarious and about as nutty as me. We both love to shop and we're girly, but we're both on fire for God more than anything else. We share some of the same regrets and a lot of the same hopes.
Then there is S. I'm really just starting to get to know her, but she seems so great! I'm not sure what I can do in her life other than just be somebody in Alabama that she knows she can turn to. She is such an inspiration to me...coming to a place where she doesn't really know anyone to help her sister take care of her family. How many people would really do that? She's really funny and has a gentleness about her that is hard to miss.
recently learned that we have been praying for the same things. She wants
to feel connected at church too. I do feel a connection with her. I
really like that she isn't interested in gossip at all...a very admirable trait
(especially in a woman). She's also got a lot of experience with
marriage and children that I am already learning a lot from. She's
an honest and genuine person and I can see that she is going to greatly effect
me.
A while back, Ken and I prayed that I would find a connection and start to feel like I'm really part of something. It wasn't a very specific prayer, I was just feeling out of place. Really, the only time I felt that I belonged was when I was with Ken. I am grateful for that, but it isn't healthy to put all of my 'worth' into Ken. (Yes, my worth comes from God, but that's not my point here).
Anyway...God has answered and I'm making more friends than I can count. They all have some big reason for being in my life that is already becoming very clear to me. So...not only has he answered my prayers for friends that I can connect with, but he is answering other prayers through them. Am I making any sense at all?
First, there is K. She is hilarious and about as nutty as me. We both love to shop and we're girly, but we're both on fire for God more than anything else. We share some of the same regrets and a lot of the same hopes.
God, thanks for letting us spend last Saturday together. I know we
felt blessed to have that outing and I believe others were greatly blessed by
it as well. Please continue to grow our trust and openness and help me be
the friend she needs me to be.
Then there is S. I'm really just starting to get to know her, but she seems so great! I'm not sure what I can do in her life other than just be somebody in Alabama that she knows she can turn to. She is such an inspiration to me...coming to a place where she doesn't really know anyone to help her sister take care of her family. How many people would really do that? She's really funny and has a gentleness about her that is hard to miss.
And L...she's so fun! I have really enjoyed talking to her and we haveGod, I thank for the the woman of noble character that I see in
S. I pray that I can learn from her and that I can help her in ways that
she needs. Please put me in a position to help her and let You work
through me to reward her!
recently learned that we have been praying for the same things. She wants
to feel connected at church too. I do feel a connection with her. I
really like that she isn't interested in gossip at all...a very admirable trait
(especially in a woman). She's also got a lot of experience with
marriage and children that I am already learning a lot from. She's
an honest and genuine person and I can see that she is going to greatly effect
me.
God, please help L and I help each other. Show me how to support
her and let her know that I admire her and that I am thankful for her.
God, you have answered so many prayers in my life by giving us the opportunity
to talk.
Lord, I am in AWE of You. You truly to do hear me and you really
love me. I can't believe you care enough about me to bless me with so many
wonderful people...these women to share my life and love for you with.
God, thank you for the new Bible Study that I have become part of...I
am looking forward to learning from those women also.
And thank you for Ken. He is such a godly man. He's a helper
and a servant a he's so humble about it. I have enjoyed hearing how much
he means to other people as well. Thank you so much for his influence in
my life and especially his love for me, but mostly for his love for
YOU!
Amen
Thursday, January 20, 2005
Jesus to Me
There is somebody in my life who shows me Jesus every day.
This person puts up with so much from me with compassion and patience. He bears my burdens with me and supports me no matter how ridiculous I am being. He is honest and helpful, strong and sincere. He shows me Jesus.
I watch him take time for other people...compliment them, help them, encourage them...he seems to have a gift for knowing just what somebody needs from him at any give time. I think this is a gift in him...a way for him to be Christ-like. He really does put others before him, but he still respects himself and takes care of himself because he knows God loves him too. He isn't afraid to admit a wrong or ask for forgiveness. He is fair.
I watch him with his children them...growing them up, taking care of them, loveing them with everything he has in him. Its amazing to see the way he loves...its a very full and pure love.
He loves me that way too...accepting me as I am, but never letting me be less than God made me. He comforts me and supports me, but never lets me get away with anything. His love is real and pure and a true blessing from the Lord.
This person puts up with so much from me with compassion and patience. He bears my burdens with me and supports me no matter how ridiculous I am being. He is honest and helpful, strong and sincere. He shows me Jesus.
I watch him take time for other people...compliment them, help them, encourage them...he seems to have a gift for knowing just what somebody needs from him at any give time. I think this is a gift in him...a way for him to be Christ-like. He really does put others before him, but he still respects himself and takes care of himself because he knows God loves him too. He isn't afraid to admit a wrong or ask for forgiveness. He is fair.
I watch him with his children them...growing them up, taking care of them, loveing them with everything he has in him. Its amazing to see the way he loves...its a very full and pure love.
He loves me that way too...accepting me as I am, but never letting me be less than God made me. He comforts me and supports me, but never lets me get away with anything. His love is real and pure and a true blessing from the Lord.
God, thank you for this man that you have put in my life. Though your
plan is not fully clear to us, we are well aware that you are taking care of
us. You have given us the gift of each other and we are greatful.
Please let me be the woman he deserves.
Amen
P.S. Those of you that know him, know exactly what I mean!
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
Amen
I went forward Sunday morning...the only other time I have ever done that was the day I was baptized. It was hard, but I had to ask my brothers and sisters to pray for me.
I have one thing to say...AMEN!!!!
God hears prayers, he responds to our pleas. I am in no way saying that my worries and problems are totally gone. I'm too human to be care-free, but I do feel relief. I feel some peace that I didn't have before and I feel more on the way.
God is good.
I want to start my own Bible study...maybe a blog Bible study...anybody want to participate? I was studying Job and have stopped. I think I'll start that again. Not sure if I'm brave enough to post all of my thoughts here. I'm afraid that my limited knowledge of scripture could be quite embarrassing, but I have also recently learned that its ok to need help. So maybe I will post here and ask for your help with what I'm studying. There...good idea!
Any takers???
I have one thing to say...AMEN!!!!
God hears prayers, he responds to our pleas. I am in no way saying that my worries and problems are totally gone. I'm too human to be care-free, but I do feel relief. I feel some peace that I didn't have before and I feel more on the way.
God is good.
I want to start my own Bible study...maybe a blog Bible study...anybody want to participate? I was studying Job and have stopped. I think I'll start that again. Not sure if I'm brave enough to post all of my thoughts here. I'm afraid that my limited knowledge of scripture could be quite embarrassing, but I have also recently learned that its ok to need help. So maybe I will post here and ask for your help with what I'm studying. There...good idea!
Any takers???
Thursday, January 13, 2005
Regret
Does anyone else have one of those things in their past that they just can't get over? Please tell me its not just me. I can't get past it, can't forgive myself for it, can't stop wondering what life would be like if that one thing had not occurred.
I know, somebody will say, "Mandee, the Lord has forgiven you so you must forgive yourself" or, "we are all sinners washed clean by Christ's blood."
Believe me, I know these things in my heart. I know that God loves me and that Christ died for my sins and I am clean because of that. But I'm also human and I don't know how to my head to understand that.
It seems that things come along to throw my mistakes back in my face...its like ANOTHER consequence to my action. There are constant reminders that I really screwed up. I think about it a lot and I'm not really sure how to truly put it behind me.
I just can't help but think that one action that I took years ago has changed everything about me and about my life. Some things will never be the same...never be what they could have been and I will have to go on knowing that and not being able to change it.
Regret is so painful, so hopeless, so defeating.
God has lifted me out of that, why am I still reaching back to it?
I know, somebody will say, "Mandee, the Lord has forgiven you so you must forgive yourself" or, "we are all sinners washed clean by Christ's blood."
Believe me, I know these things in my heart. I know that God loves me and that Christ died for my sins and I am clean because of that. But I'm also human and I don't know how to my head to understand that.
It seems that things come along to throw my mistakes back in my face...its like ANOTHER consequence to my action. There are constant reminders that I really screwed up. I think about it a lot and I'm not really sure how to truly put it behind me.
I just can't help but think that one action that I took years ago has changed everything about me and about my life. Some things will never be the same...never be what they could have been and I will have to go on knowing that and not being able to change it.
Regret is so painful, so hopeless, so defeating.
God has lifted me out of that, why am I still reaching back to it?
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
Stinkin' Boss
OK, so Boss tells me when I come in this morning that he will need me around 3:30 this afternoon. That was it...all he said...started to walk away. So here is the ocnversation that followed:
Me: "What for?"
Boss: "A conference call" and then tries to walk away again
Me: "With whom?"
Boss: "name of company"
Me: "What will we be discussing"
Boss: "Well, you need to call name of person at company and talk to her about dual entry this morning."
OK...so I still don't know what we will be discussing in the conference call. I couldn't figure out why he was being that way (the way he usually his) when it suddenly hit me. If I don't prepare for this call, then I will sound like an idiot and then he can come in and correct me in front of everyone on the call and sound like the big smart boss that he wants to be, but so is NOT. And this is the way Boss works. This is why I need a new job...sigh.
Me: "What for?"
Boss: "A conference call" and then tries to walk away again
Me: "With whom?"
Boss: "name of company"
Me: "What will we be discussing"
Boss: "Well, you need to call name of person at company and talk to her about dual entry this morning."
OK...so I still don't know what we will be discussing in the conference call. I couldn't figure out why he was being that way (the way he usually his) when it suddenly hit me. If I don't prepare for this call, then I will sound like an idiot and then he can come in and correct me in front of everyone on the call and sound like the big smart boss that he wants to be, but so is NOT. And this is the way Boss works. This is why I need a new job...sigh.
Friday, January 07, 2005
I have decided...
That today I need to change my attitude about everything. Here are some changes...
- It's not all about me
- God will take care of me
- It's not all about me
- Life on Earth is only the beginning of LIFE
- It's not all about me
- The best trip you'll ever take is to meet somebody half way (ok...so I didn't come up with that one on my own, but its oh-so-true)
- It really is not all about me
- I can't lose focus on the big picture...GOD
- Still not all about me
- I have a purpose whether I realize it or not and God is working on me to get it out in the open
- But it really isn't about me
- Just because you want something doesn't mean you get it
- Obviously, painfully (at times) not all about me
- LET GO!!!!!! I keep telling God that I'm putting my life in His hands, I'm trusting Him, I'm not in control, but good grief...I'm so stubborn!
- Yet, its not all about me! (Thank goodness cause I'm a mess)
So...I don't feel much better yet. I guess it will take more than writing it in a blog. I guess I have to live that way. I really have to get better at letting God be in control. Not only do I want to control my destiny, but I want to control every situation in my life...I've even gotten to the point of trying to control other people. It makes me not like who I have become. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy with a lot of the changes I have made in my life. But there is much more wrong with me. I don't know if its new stuff or stuff I've never noticed. I'm a self-centered and shallow spoiled brat! Ew...I didn't like saying (typing) that out loud.
(why is this double spacing when I mash enter?)
Here's what I want to change:
--Obsessed with hating the way I look (and not doing anything about it)
--Being hypersensitive to every little thing the people I love do and/or say.
--Placing expectations on myself and everyone around me to the point that I am in a constant state of disappointment
--Thinking about how I am effected in each and every situation around me, rather than putting my feelings aside to help a brother or sister
--Writing an entire blog about ME!
Now, don't I sound like the kind of person you would want to be friends with? Not really fond of being friends with myself right now. I'll try to revisit this and see if I (God's working harder than I ever could) make any progress. PRAYER WARRIORS>>>you have a mission!
Thursday, January 06, 2005
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
Digital Camera
Ok, so I might be able to use some Christmas money to get a dgital camera. I don't want to spend a lot...$200 is ideal. I have checked out the Kodak CX7430 4.0 Megapixel camera. Looks pretty good...any suggestions?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
