Thursday, October 07, 2004

What am I doing with my life?

I have so much on my mind right now. I'm frustrated because there are so many things that I want to 'be about' (as Ken would word it), but I'm not leaving enough time for those things. I'm spending most of my time at this desk, in front of a computer (grateful for offense), bored out of my mind, doing a job that is neither challenging nor rewarding. There is so much more I have to offer than this! This is so much more to life than this!
I am also giving my time to some really good causes. There is a divorce/widow support group that I work with that is absolutely wonderful! What a good cause...just not where I need to be spending my time right now...or my ENERGY! I have gotten more assertive...better at saying no to what i don't want to do/don't have time for. But I have a really hard time saying no to something that I do care about and do believe in, but don't have time for.
I want to focus on my relationships, my writing, and my spiritual walk with the Lord. Gosh, I have so much to think about and so much to talk about and so much to give of myself. So...what is my solution? Any ideas? I am looking for different work, but not having much luck with that. I bet part of the lesson I should be learning right now is to be content with my circumstances and make the most of them...I am doing that. But I also need to be aware of what I can do to live a better life.
I liked Garry's class last night...he talked about loving is a gift from God. What am I doing to enjoy life? I have my family, my friends, a wonderful relationship, my church, I'm really lucky. But I've got to grow...I've got to be busy with what I am wanting to be about.
So, along with being frustrated, I'm also excited. I am excited about everything that I want to do. I have so much inside of me that keeps boiling more and more and I think its about to bubble cup runneth over!!! (Psalm 23:5) Imagine the possibilities...what if I do publish a book? What if it could impact at least 1 young woman and prevent the pain that I (and many others) have experienced? What if I can be light in the darkness? Hm...I can be! I have faith that I will be!
So...if you've read my other posts, you know that I'm a rambler...hope ya don't mind!

1 comment:

jamleah said...

Have you read the book, Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers? It is a fictitious account of the book of Hosea. In it, one of the characters has a Prayer Box. She writes down needs, dates them, and puts them into the box. Every month of so, she goes through the box to see how God has taken care of those needs. If you desire a job that will capture your attention, turn it over to God. Perhaps you should consider a job with a Christian organization. WDJC or Birmingham Christian Magazine or Southern Living. You have a definite talent for getting your thoughts down clearly and understandably. Just keep being faithful, God will open doors that will lead you to the job you desire.